If you’re reading this you’ve probably been dragged kicking and screaming to the computer to read yet another article or hear about another idea. Believe me I’ve been there, for the last three years I have listened to new plans and looked at more sites than I can count, researched niches I’ve never even heard and all the time tried to be enthusiastic even when I’m ready to commit murder.

For all of the time I’ve known Ben he’s been interested in websites, I’ve watched as he’s taught himself everything he needs to know to become a successful internet marketer. But I can’t say it’s been easy; he’s gradually increased the amount of time he’s working at his computer and talks constantly about his work and ideas. To say it has frustrated me would be an understatement! There have been times when he’s talked about new software and ideas well into the early hours and I’ve been so tired I haven’t had the energy to be enthusiastic any longer. Of course, at this point Ben has got annoyed and offended that I’m not interested in his work, which I am, but only in small doses!

I’m sure many of you have also felt like this, where your partner has become obsessed with internet marketing and doesn’t seem to be interested in you anymore. I’m always begging Ben to have a night off so we can go out and be a couple without him thinking about anything else, and although he has done, he still has to check his emails or talk about new ideas. This can be so annoying and we’ve argued about the amount of time he puts in but that’s done nothing other than push us further away from each other.

I know what it’s like to feel like second best and I know it hurts but what you have to remember (and I’ve only just realised this myself) is that your partner is also hurt and frustrated when you try and control them and prevent them doing what they enjoy. Below are five steps to help you and your partner find a balance between family life and work.

1.Talk to each other.
I know how difficult it’s been to tell Ben he’s working too much so this may seem easier said than done but you really need to talk to your partner and tell them that you feel they aren’t spending enough time with you. But remember you need to say this in a friendly way, there is no point yelling and screaming at them to get away from the computer – it just won’t work, believe me I tried it! You have to explain to them how you feel and try and work out a way whereby you can talk about your interests as well as listening to theirs - it has to be a two way thing.
The most important thing to remember is to think before you speak, I know how hard it can be to keep calm when you’re already annoyed with them and they’re going on and on about their work. There have been so many times I’ve snapped at Ben without thinking and said something awful about not caring about his work. Of course as soon as I’ve said it I’ve regretted it but it’s too late and we usually have an argument and there’s another evening ruined. Ben also has a habit of talking about work well into the early hours because he’s so enthusiastic and I always try to be equally as interested but obviously after a while this fades, so when I start to get tired or irritable I try and take a breath and tell him nicely that I am interested but could he tell me about it later when I can take it all in. It’s better to do this sooner rather than leave it until you’re completely fed up because that’s where arguments start.

2.Find your own hobby.
It’s really important you have your own interests which you can get involved with while they’re working. This way you’ll have something to occupy you while they’re at the computer, and if this is something you can do in the same room as your partner without disturbing each other, even better! That way you’re spending time together but you’re both able to get on with your own things. I used to just read or watch TV while Ben was working and it inevitably meant we’d be sitting in different rooms completely alone all night and this is what really used to annoy me. Now I do my work next to him and although we have to remember not to disturb each other, we are at least together and able to chat, which really has brought us closer. But don’t forget this is a two way thing, if you’re going to support their hobby; they need to support yours as well or this won’t work.

3.Get involved.
Ben has always tried to get me involved by showing me coding and telling me to have my own site, which is something I’ve always ignored, but I shouldn’t have. Getting involved is the best way to show your support and although the technical stuff just wasn’t for me, I do help with design and research. Try and find an area you understand and could help work on with them. You may have to be prepared for them to be critical at first, I always felt Ben was putting my ideas down which didn’t encourage me to get involved! But I told him how I felt and he’s been great ever since. If they ask you to help in some way don’t dismiss it completely, they obviously want you to be a part of it and that’s important if you’re going to work as a couple.

4.Organise your time.
If you want them to take time out to spend with you, you need to make sure you give them time to get their work done. If you want them to spend every evening and weekend with you then you’re basically asking them to give up what they enjoy to spend time with you, which isn’t fair. You really need to encourage them to do what they have to do so that they have time to be with you without worrying about what they should be doing. Ben is really bad at this, even when he’s away from the computer he’s thinking about his work, which can be frustrating but we always try and spend some time together away from the computer. And if they have a tendency to disappear to their computer for hours then arrange to go out, that way they have no excuse. You could even try making a rota of work nights and nights off and always plan to do something. Just sitting in front of the TV watching what you want to watch will not encourage them to spend time with you. You have to, as a couple, make the most of the nights off as that way you won’t mind so much when they’re working and the nights off will be something for you both to look forward too. And remember, through their work they’re aiming to make money – you can’t go out or be spoilt without money!!

5.Be supportive.
This is the key to making things work but it’s also the hardest! I’m not interested in building websites, but Ben is, therefore I have to be. Because it’s such a big part of his life I have to accept that and help him in anyway I can. Of course you’re going to get annoyed about the amount of time they’re spending on it but remember it’s not because they don’t love you or want to spend time with you, it’s because this is their hobby and they want to be the best at it. I know it can be frustrating but just listen to them when they’re telling you about a sale they’ve made or a target they’ve hit – just take note of how happy or proud of themselves they are, that’s the reason they do it and that is why you have to support them, so that they hit more targets and make more sales.
I’m sure you’ve probably got loads of reservations about their work, I know I have, but you still need to be supportive because if you aren’t, then who else have they got to be there for them? I remember Ben once saying how much money he could potentially earn through internet marketing and I’ll be honest I didn’t believe him. He was so hurt, I felt really guilty but by then it was too late. And had he done the same to me I’d have been upset too. It’s impossible to ignore all of your reservations but you have to express them in a positive way, whereas I laughed at Ben, I should have been supportive and talked to him about how he can earn that amount and how stable an income that will be. I know this will be hard at first but in the long run it will really help you as a family.

No matter how much you struggle for their attention, if you’re trying to stop them from working all you’ll end up doing is creating arguments. I still hate that Ben works so much, but he has tried to spend more time with me which has really helped. And he has achieved so much in three years and I know he enjoys it, so regardless of what I think I have to support him. So next time your partner makes a sale or has an idea, listen and be happy for them, don’t keep one eye on the TV and half heartedly listen because this is where the arguments start.

I’ve never told Ben this, but I am so proud of what he has achieved, and he’s done it completely alone, often without my support. I can’t turn the clock back and be supportive from the beginning again but I can make sure he knows I’m there for him now and I always will be, because I know he’s doing this for our future. Now you have you have to do the same, regardless of how frustrating it can be.

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