If you’re reading this you’ve probably been dragged kicking and screaming to the computer to read yet another article or hear about another idea. Believe me I’ve been there, for the last three years I have listened to new plans and looked at more sites than I can count, researched niches I’ve never even heard and all the time tried to be enthusiastic even when I’m ready to commit murder.

For all of the time I’ve known Ben he’s been interested in websites, I’ve watched as he’s taught himself everything he needs to know to become a successful internet marketer. But I can’t say it’s been easy; he’s gradually increased the amount of time he’s working at his computer and talks constantly about his work and ideas. To say it has frustrated me would be an understatement! There have been times when he’s talked about new software and ideas well into the early hours and I’ve been so tired I haven’t had the energy to be enthusiastic any longer. Of course, at this point Ben has got annoyed and offended that I’m not interested in his work, which I am, but only in small doses!

I’m sure many of you have also felt like this, where your partner has become obsessed with internet marketing and doesn’t seem to be interested in you anymore. I’m always begging Ben to have a night off so we can go out and be a couple without him thinking about anything else, and although he has done, he still has to check his emails or talk about new ideas. This can be so annoying and we’ve argued about the amount of time he puts in but that’s done nothing other than push us further away from each other.

I know what it’s like to feel like second best and I know it hurts but what you have to remember (and I’ve only just realised this myself) is that your partner is also hurt and frustrated when you try and control them and prevent them doing what they enjoy. Below are five steps to help you and your partner find a balance between family life and work.

1.Talk to each other.
I know how difficult it’s been to tell Ben he’s working too much so this may seem easier said than done but you really need to talk to your partner and tell them that you feel they aren’t spending enough time with you. But remember you need to say this in a friendly way, there is no point yelling and screaming at them to get away from the computer – it just won’t work, believe me I tried it! You have to explain to them how you feel and try and work out a way whereby you can talk about your interests as well as listening to theirs - it has to be a two way thing.
The most important thing to remember is to think before you speak, I know how hard it can be to keep calm when you’re already annoyed with them and they’re going on and on about their work. There have been so many times I’ve snapped at Ben without thinking and said something awful about not caring about his work. Of course as soon as I’ve said it I’ve regretted it but it’s too late and we usually have an argument and there’s another evening ruined. Ben also has a habit of talking about work well into the early hours because he’s so enthusiastic and I always try to be equally as interested but obviously after a while this fades, so when I start to get tired or irritable I try and take a breath and tell him nicely that I am interested but could he tell me about it later when I can take it all in. It’s better to do this sooner rather than leave it until you’re completely fed up because that’s where arguments start.

2.Find your own hobby.
It’s really important you have your own interests which you can get involved with while they’re working. This way you’ll have something to occupy you while they’re at the computer, and if this is something you can do in the same room as your partner without disturbing each other, even better! That way you’re spending time together but you’re both able to get on with your own things. I used to just read or watch TV while Ben was working and it inevitably meant we’d be sitting in different rooms completely alone all night and this is what really used to annoy me. Now I do my work next to him and although we have to remember not to disturb each other, we are at least together and able to chat, which really has brought us closer. But don’t forget this is a two way thing, if you’re going to support their hobby; they need to support yours as well or this won’t work.

3.Get involved.
Ben has always tried to get me involved by showing me coding and telling me to have my own site, which is something I’ve always ignored, but I shouldn’t have. Getting involved is the best way to show your support and although the technical stuff just wasn’t for me, I do help with design and research. Try and find an area you understand and could help work on with them. You may have to be prepared for them to be critical at first, I always felt Ben was putting my ideas down which didn’t encourage me to get involved! But I told him how I felt and he’s been great ever since. If they ask you to help in some way don’t dismiss it completely, they obviously want you to be a part of it and that’s important if you’re going to work as a couple.

4.Organise your time.
If you want them to take time out to spend with you, you need to make sure you give them time to get their work done. If you want them to spend every evening and weekend with you then you’re basically asking them to give up what they enjoy to spend time with you, which isn’t fair. You really need to encourage them to do what they have to do so that they have time to be with you without worrying about what they should be doing. Ben is really bad at this, even when he’s away from the computer he’s thinking about his work, which can be frustrating but we always try and spend some time together away from the computer. And if they have a tendency to disappear to their computer for hours then arrange to go out, that way they have no excuse. You could even try making a rota of work nights and nights off and always plan to do something. Just sitting in front of the TV watching what you want to watch will not encourage them to spend time with you. You have to, as a couple, make the most of the nights off as that way you won’t mind so much when they’re working and the nights off will be something for you both to look forward too. And remember, through their work they’re aiming to make money – you can’t go out or be spoilt without money!!

5.Be supportive.
This is the key to making things work but it’s also the hardest! I’m not interested in building websites, but Ben is, therefore I have to be. Because it’s such a big part of his life I have to accept that and help him in anyway I can. Of course you’re going to get annoyed about the amount of time they’re spending on it but remember it’s not because they don’t love you or want to spend time with you, it’s because this is their hobby and they want to be the best at it. I know it can be frustrating but just listen to them when they’re telling you about a sale they’ve made or a target they’ve hit – just take note of how happy or proud of themselves they are, that’s the reason they do it and that is why you have to support them, so that they hit more targets and make more sales.
I’m sure you’ve probably got loads of reservations about their work, I know I have, but you still need to be supportive because if you aren’t, then who else have they got to be there for them? I remember Ben once saying how much money he could potentially earn through internet marketing and I’ll be honest I didn’t believe him. He was so hurt, I felt really guilty but by then it was too late. And had he done the same to me I’d have been upset too. It’s impossible to ignore all of your reservations but you have to express them in a positive way, whereas I laughed at Ben, I should have been supportive and talked to him about how he can earn that amount and how stable an income that will be. I know this will be hard at first but in the long run it will really help you as a family.

No matter how much you struggle for their attention, if you’re trying to stop them from working all you’ll end up doing is creating arguments. I still hate that Ben works so much, but he has tried to spend more time with me which has really helped. And he has achieved so much in three years and I know he enjoys it, so regardless of what I think I have to support him. So next time your partner makes a sale or has an idea, listen and be happy for them, don’t keep one eye on the TV and half heartedly listen because this is where the arguments start.

I’ve never told Ben this, but I am so proud of what he has achieved, and he’s done it completely alone, often without my support. I can’t turn the clock back and be supportive from the beginning again but I can make sure he knows I’m there for him now and I always will be, because I know he’s doing this for our future. Now you have you have to do the same, regardless of how frustrating it can be.

The following post has been written by Kate, Kate is the most important thing in my life, I love and care for her very much and without her love, support and patience I would not be able to do what I do. I have asked Kate to write a couple of guest posts on my blog which highlight the importance of considering others when trying to build up your online business. The first of these posts is aimed at the budding Internet Marketer and the second, which I will post next week, is aimed at the family of the budding Internet Marketer. They are both very different to what I usually post so I hope find them a good read.

An Internet Marketing Obsession: Guest Post Part 1 By Kate Jackson

Ben and I have been together for three years, which is around the same amount of time he’s been interested in websites and affiliate marketing. He’s very passionate about his websites, he’s taught himself everything he knows and I know he wants to make this a full time career. However he can be a little obsessed with it all.

Ben works full time in the NHS and spends every evening and weekend working on his computer, to the point that sometimes when I come round we hardly speak because he’s so busy. If I’m honest, this has really annoyed me on many occasions and has been the cause of a number of arguments. Even if he says he’s going to have the night off, he’ll very often disappear for an hour and I’ll find him typing away at his desk. And he can talk about new ventures and plans well into the early hours, by which time I’m usually so bored and tired it’s hard to remain enthusiastic.

I imagine a lot of you reading this have also experienced a lack of interest from family and friends and feel, as Ben often does, a bit let down by everyone around you. This post it aimed at trying to make you see from another perspective and hopefully offer advice to ensure your relationships don’t suffer because of your work.

If, like Ben, most of your free time revolves around working on websites, try and find at least some free time where you are completely away from the computer and your mind is switched off from it. Even when Ben is away from his desk he is still thinking of ideas, in fact while away in Somerset recently, he was even thinking of new ventures while we were in a restaurant. It’s really important to try and find that balance between being able to do your work but remembering that your family also need time with you and for you to listen to them. When you can see their eyes glazing over it’s time to stop, but don’t make them feel guilty for not being as interested as you – ask yourself, am I this interested in their hobby’s? I doubt it.

Try and get them involved, but don’t bully them into it or be offended if they don’t want to be. Ben often tells me I could get involved and run my own site, but the reality is if I did, it wouldn’t work simply because it’s not my thing. But family can get involved in other ways; I like suggesting design ideas and I’ve written some content.

But it really is crucial to remember when to shut up and listen to someone else. And talk to your family, if they have reservations about this, talk about it calmly – don’t fly off the handle because you don’t think they’re supporting you. This is one area where Ben and I have rowed; he wants to give up nursing and work as an internet marketer full time. I don’t doubt he could do it and I know he’s passionate about it but I have reservations, which Ben just doesn’t get. It’s not because I don’t support him, because I do, but Ben is an incredible nurse, really brilliant at what he does and he has a fantastic career ahead of him, I just worry about him giving up something which he is clearly very good at and will provide a stable future for the both of us to work as an internet marketer, which I don’t think has a guaranteed income.

Over the last three years Ben has worked incredibly hard to make his work a success, but it really has taken a lot of hard work, which obviously you will also have to put in. But don’t forget that without the support of those around you, it will be even harder so make time for them or you might feel you have to choose between the two.  Ben and I have now, finally, found that balance, but it has taken time and effort for both of us and I really had to try hard to understand why this was so important to him – you now have to explain this to your family.

If you’re spending hours and hours working or talking about projects you have to expect your family to get a little frustrated, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to listen to them talking about their work all of the time. This is the hard part, as a family you need to work together to ensure everyone gets to have their say and express themselves. You have to encourage your partners, as Ben did to me, to listen and join in, but equally you have to give them your attention as well.

Ben has been very focused and dedicated for the last three years, and although it has caused tension and problems, we’ve managed to work things out as a couple. It’s really important that you now find what works for you and your family.